Adam Parrish (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forleaving) wrote2021-04-22 01:24 pm
forleaving) wrote2021-04-22 01:24 pm
Entry tags:
Open RP Post
🌳 Hit me up on plurk or via PM if you have any questions/want to run an idea by me first/what-have-you.
🌳 General squick/trigger list.
🌳 Prefer m/m for anything shippy, though m/f is also okay.
🌳 General headcanon for Adam. I don't have any yet, will update when I do.
🌳 Adam's kink list.
🌳 This is open to everyone who wants to thread with me!
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[Kavinsky shrugs his shoulders, like that's explanation enough, and maybe it is. That he's here and alive and able to be having this conversation. That whether or not Adam was a dreamer, he was certainly something. Special. He mattered. And given his own experiences with dreaming and abusive fathers, he didn't think it was impossible for Adam to have been like them all along. Sometimes it was safer to smother parts of yourself.
When Adam apologized, Kavinsky looked at him, and he couldn't help laughing a little, not mocking, but just- he reached up, pressing a hand to the side of his face.]
Man, Parrish, you don't have to apologize. I am an asshole. But I can be nice when people deserve it. And c'mon, basically everyone at Aglionby was like that. They knew I went to parties and did drugs and that if you asked nice I could get you things, my last name sounded Russian and I didn't look like them. I can count on one hand the number of people that thought there was anything more to me than that.
[By which he means Proko, Jiang, Skov and Swan, of course. There was a point where he would have counted Ronan in that number too, but that hadn't ended well. And even if dying, being stuck in dreams gave him some perspective- well, it wasn't that much perspective; he was still pissed about it. Dying- or trying to- he could admit that had been his own choice, his own toxic cocktail of depression and loneliness and desperation.
But Ronan had still used him and broken his heart, and that is what he's still upset about.]
And I think bringing me back more than makes up for it, anyway.
[His tone is playful, lightly teasing as he looks into his eyes, his dark browns warm but still lonely. They were both lonely, and really wasn't that reason enough? But even more than that, he couldn't help feeling attached to Adam, and the more time they spent together the more that he liked him.]
I mean, you changed your life into what you wanted it to be, and people believe it because you do. You have friends that worship the ground you walk on not because of who they think you are, but because you care about them. So nah, you're not a jerk, at least not now. I like you. I want to know you better. And yeah, I want to kiss you.
no subject
He ducked his head a little when Kavinsky laughed but went still when he touched him. Just because everyone at Aglionby had been the same way didn't make it okay. Adam had judged him harshly. He'd been inclined to think Kavinsky was a loser. It hadn't been fair. One day was all it'd taken to change his mind but sometimes that was all the time people needed. He'd seen a different side of Kavinsky, the boy who had hopes and dreams and a life ahead of him instead of the asshole and the addict and the forger.]
Just because it was a popular opinion doesn't mean it was okay. One thing doesn't excuse the other.
[Nobody could say Adam wasn't open-minded.
While he appreciated that Kavinsky didn't hold it against him, he thought it would have almost been easier if he'd been angry. Or maybe he was just too used to Ronan's mercurial moods.
He started to open his mouth to argue that he wasn't even worth worshipping, that all he'd done was lie to his friends so he didn't have to be that poor kid from Henrietta, but he couldn't argue against caring about them. He drew in a breath, warring with himself for a moment. Thoughts like what would Gansey think? floated through his mind but he decided he didn't care.
He nodded.]
Okay. You can kiss me.
no subject
[Kavinsky doesn't quite say thank you, but he is clearly appreciative. There were few enough people that cared to look further to see if there was something more to him than how he seemed, what he could offer to people. And Adam clearly wasn't interested in Kavinsky for the forgery and the dreaming and the drugs. If anything it seemed like he tolerated the rest of it for the boy that so few people had cared existed.
If his life had been as much of a music video as people like Gansey claimed, he wouldn't have bothered going to classes in the first place. But Kavinsky had never wanted to grow up to be a criminal; hadn't wanted to be like his father. It was one thing handing out party pills and fake IDs and the like, but standing on the edge of the black market as he did, he had been aware that it was a hole that only went down and only got darker. And he had wanted another path; it's why he actually showed up for his classes (most of the time) and did the homework (most of the time). Like, sure, he wasn't Jiang or Adam, but he hadn't been Ronan Lynch's apathy, either.
Honestly, if Adam had actually tried to argue that he wasn't worth what his friends thought of him, Kavinsky would have been very tempted to kiss him just to shut him up. So he's very glad that he doesn't, and even happier that he says yes. He's sweeter than someone would probably expect from Kavinsky, his dark eyes heating with a spark of want as he looks at the other boy, his hand on his cheek sliding down to tilt his jaw as his other came up to cup the back of his neck. And then he leaned in, slowly, pressing their lips together, deepening it slowly, bit by bit, making sure he didn't push further than Adam was ready for.
Whatever had happened to give him this chance -- he'd learned his lesson in that regard. He knew that he'd rushed, pushed too hard in the dreamfield, and Ronan had flinched, and Kavinsky's heart was too soft to take the rejection, the sucking loneliness he felt. So he keeps it soft, sweet, almost adoring, trying to make it good for him. So good that Adam will want to kiss him too. And he's okay if it's only that, if they just sit in the dark and kiss with Kavinsky in his Harvard-sweatshirt. But he knew there was a spark here, and he couldn't help not wanting to let it go.
It actually had nothing to do with Ronan. But Adam had saved him, and he didn't want to lose how that fact buried itself in his heart.]
no subject
His heart felt like it beat hummingbird fast in his chest, and he had to remind himself to keep breathing evenly. Kavinsky touched him so gently and kissed him so sweetly, it made Adam nearly melt into his hands. It was different than he'd ever expected kissing Kavinsky to be--not that he'd...thought about it much before today, of course. Because the thought had totally never crossed his mind. Totally. But the point was, it was warm and sweet and Adam kissed him back, one hand clutching at Kavinsky's shoulder.
He didn't shy away from the kiss, and it sent something like a thrill through his body, a wave of goosebumps that washed over him. He liked it more than he thought he would. It was a slow building sort of rush, but a rush all the same. Like the sun coming out on a cold, cloudy day, warming his skin.
He had to remind himself that Kavinsky wasn't actually his boyfriend, they'd just spent the day rolling with that cover story. But- would Adam want him to be? Of all the thoughts that bubbled up in the wake of that question, no wasn't among them.]